Dos and Donts of Anger

While in conflict if we shout or yell at each other, swear or promise to do things, point fingers or physically abuse each other it only worsens the situation. This way negative feelings and revenge elevate between both the parties in conflict and there are no hopes of compromise.

Instead if we express anger in effective way several conditions are met such as:

• It is best to express anger not when one is overcome with a sense of rage but sometime later after cooling down.
• Focus the anger at the target of anger.
• When expressing anger there has to be a feeling that we have restored sense of justice and of control over the situation while not inflicting harm on the other person.
• For effective expression of anger, the target must not retaliate in anger.

The above-mentioned points stand very true in real life. I encounter such situations very often, when my husband gets angry, and the only best thing to do for me is keep it cool. After his anger has subsided, I try and talk to him about the issue. In fact I get to know most of the times that I am just the medium for his anger outburst because he is actually upset on something else in the office or basically out of the house.

Three Solutions

As per our book we need to recognize that in true success, the notions of noble character, joyful living and centrality of family and friends are key elements.

1. Accordingly as my first solution to make distinction between work and play, in order to do something for myself, I generally go walking with my family over the weekends. We enjoy this family time outdoors with walking and rejuvenating ourselves.
2. The second solution is lighten up by taking the view that “play is an attitude of mind that may pervade any human activity.” I am yet to put this solution in execution in my life because I tend to take my work very seriously. I need to treat my work at college and home as play and start enjoying it as well because of which I get totally stressed. By taking the work in right spirit, I will be able to find a balance in both.
3. The third solution can be termed as integration of joy and sorrow. As per the third solution I need to accept the pain and agony, which comes with conflict as a part and parcel of life and embrace it as reality. I definitely believe that the sooner I accept this fact the happier I will be in life. However, when I spend time with my kids, I feel very relieved by learning to see the world with their innocent view of lookin at things.

Expressing Anger

As per the book “Managing Conflict Through Communication” by Abigail and Cahn there are people who express anger in one of the following ways:

• Have a hard time even admitting they are angry
• Know they are angry with someone but do not want to tell the other person
• Tell others about their anger but not the one who upsets them
• May be passive-aggressive.

I fall in two categories mentioned above. One one hand I never show my anger or just continue with my work as long as I can. In such a situation although I put up a happy face on top, at my heart I am comepletely upset and unsatisfied with the whole incidence. On the other hand, when I am under pressure or if I am too stressed then I blow up. I go all out telling why I am feeling bad and how angry I am. I do not think twice to tell the person in front that I totally disliked what he said or did, or how much I  disapprove his acts, which further aggravates the conflict because the other person is hurt.

I think because of my extreme ways of showing anger, either I am torturing myself for not speaking up, or feeling guilty for exploding with anger and burning others with me. I need to adapt a mid way method of getting my anger out, and to do so, I am going to implement some strategies fom our subject matter hereafter.

Sharing Power

          In this post I am going to write about the Sharing Power. Instead of making the working environment tense with power abuse, those who do not wish to abuse their power should initiate and employ solution oriented behavior rather than abusive power-perpetuating behavior. People in powerful positions or dominant roles should consider the idea that “we are all in this boat together.” This way the powerful and powerless all benefit by success of the class, team, unit or organization, so stop worrying about sharing power and actively seek ways to share it.

There are other ways of sharing power such as:

1. Give up some of the more obvious power resources and symbols of authority.
2. Teachers can abandon a podium or large desk to sit with the students.
3. Bosses can leave their secure confines in the offices to walk among the employees to see how they are doing in person.
4. Make power resources accessible to everyone in the group.

Imbalanced Power Distance

Some power differences are institutionalized, formal and official. The police, judges, teachers, parents, officials, administrators and bosses are given some powers over the rest of us in limited contexts such as courtroom, classroom, public office or workplace. Many a times when power is institutionalized, dominant people abuse their power when they rely on threats to intimidate others and stifle input.

I had a very mean lady boss, who just could not digest the fact that I was better than her at work. She always tried to put me down and emotionally torture me with taunts and silent treatment. Looking at it now, I realize how stressful I used to be in that period. Going to office would be like walking in a dessert. When it started getting too much, I just left that job. Based on my experience, it is extremely frustrating to work in an imbalanced power relationship. I think it goes the same in love relationship as well. Whenever one partner is dominating the other, that relationship does not nurture on love and trust. Instead of creating negative repercussions in a love relationship with the power imbalance, there has to be mutual respect and dignity to balance power.

Trust

My experience about trust and then loss of trust goes way back to my school days. Tuitions as called in India for extra classes of school homework are a must from10^th grade to 12^th grade. I had a friend in the school, who could not afford to go to any tuition, so I became her study buddy for homework help. Sometimes I would leave my work and go out of the way to help her, because she would ask for it. Tuitions are big business in India, and all of the students flock to the tuitions suitable to their pockets. I used to go to ordinary tuitions because we could not afford any more fees than that. So I relied on self-work and school with a backup of my so so tuition. My friend and me would study on regular basis until one day I noticed her avoiding me with a bunch of extra notes. She started ignoring me in the school as if I was going to take away something from her. When I confronted her about this, she told me that she had managed to join the premium tutions in the town and she no longer needed my help. I told her that’s fine with me, but why do you want to break the friendship, on which she told me that now onwards she wont hang out with me because I did not belong to the league of premium tuitions. I trusted my friend and so helped her with her studies, however she broke my trust and betrayed me. She used me when she wanted me and then discarded me when not needed. I could not restore trust in her, as I believe she did not deserve my friendship and help, so I took her out of my life there after.