While in conflict if we shout or yell at each other, swear or promise to do things, point fingers or physically abuse each other it only worsens the situation. This way negative feelings and revenge elevate between both the parties in conflict and there are no hopes of compromise.
Instead if we express anger in effective way several conditions are met such as:
- It is best to express anger not when one is overcome with a sense of rage but sometime later after cooling down.
- Focus the anger at the target of anger.
- When expressing anger there has to be a feeling that we have restored sense of justice and of control over the situation while not inflicting harm on the other person.
- For effective expression of anger, the target must not retaliate in anger.
The above-mentioned points stand very true in real life. I encounter such situations very often, when my husband gets angry, and the only best thing to do for me is keep it cool. After his anger has subsided, I try and talk to him about the issue. In fact I get to know most of the times that I am just the medium for his anger outburst because he is actually upset on something else in the office or basically out of the house.
Good points!
ReplyDeleteThe vicious circle of conflict escalation can be a tough one to break. Yelling and shouting often feel like the most natural responses in these situations, but in doing so we only prolong the issues. Even worse, these conflict habits will, as you say, elevate negative feelings between parties.
Your solutions to dealing with conflict reminded my of our S-TLC system. “It is best to express anger not when one is overcome with a sense of rage but sometime later after cooling down”, this is very much in-line with the “stop and think” principal so important to the conflict resolution process. It reminds me of the old adage, “Letting cooler heads prevail”; same basic principal.
-Ben