Steps toward Reconciliation

These steps move from less relational transformation to more relational transformation

1. No reconciliation, even if forgiveness has taken place.
2. Possible reconciliation when offender admits culpability.
3. Conditional reconciliation when offender communicates regret for the offense and offers an apology.
4. Processual reconciliation offender attempts to remedy the harm done.
5. Restoration when trust is rebuilt and the relationship is recreated.

 I cannot think of anyone, but my parents when it comes to forgiveness. I have made so many mistakes in life during my growing years just like any other teenager and I remember how my parents always forgave me. I believe my parents forgave and directed me on the right path and it is only their love and blessings that turned in whatever I am today.

Conflict on Valentines Day

My husband is not very outspoken and he never talks about his feelings. He bursts with anger all the time, but cannot speak out his heart. This incident happened on the last Valentines Day which I though he completely forgot. He left for office in the morning and did not call almost till 3pm. I was angry and so I called him to check if he even remembers about the day. I told him all sorts of things on the phone, of how forgetful he is and how he is missing on special occasions in life. Although, I know that he gets angry very fast, I just spurt out all that I had in my mind on which he did not retaliate with a single word. I kept the phone down and my home bell rang, and to my surprise it was a delivery of edible bouquet. I felt so sorry for all that I said before, so I called my husband immediately to apologize. He understood the instant change in me and anticipated that I must have received the bouquet just by then.

Forgiveness stands over Revenge

                  I did a google search on forgiveness, reconciliation and revenge and found more meaningful websites for forgiveness out of all the three terms. Forgiveness is the main theme to let go of anger and revenge and lead a content life as per all religions. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us. Forgiveness is an individual choice we make through a decision of our will motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance website specifies that they are a non-profit organization whose mission is to evoke the healing spirit of Forgiveness worldwide. They declare, "Forgiveness Is the Greatest Healer of Them All" and that "Without Forgiveness There is No Future". Similarly there are Transformation Services available who collect & share real stories of forgiveness and conflict resolution to help individuals transform the pain and conflict in their own lives.

      Revenge produces more of TV shows or movies sites, as it is popular theme shown in action, drama and thriller movies and soaps. In reality revenge cannot lead us anywhere, because it just goes on in a cyclical form fetching no productive outcome. Reconciliation is always a step followed by forgiveness. Reconciliation produced websites with the definition, reconciliation as a process in senate to reconsider the bill and pass it on mutual terms, The Fellowship of Reconciliation which is a largest, and oldest interfaith peace organization in the United States, working for peace, justice and nonviolence since 1915, Reconciliation ministries run by churches to help people overcome conflict, attacks, and oppression by bridging the gap between offenders and offended.

Steps towards Reconciliation

There are series of steps suggested in the book to effectively manage a conflict situation in which an offender and the offended party attempt to work through the issues necessary for forgiveness and reconciliation, if desired by both parties.

Step One: The Account and the Apology

This means the offender owes an apology and explanation of his wrong doing to the offended.

Step Two: Acceptance of Account and Apology or its Absence

It is the offended person’s call to forgive the offender or not, based upon his justification and explanation. Once forgiven is like forgetting the past and moving ahead with a fresh beginning.

Step Three: Forgiveness May or May Not Be Communicated

Restoring back to normal in relationship with the offender is like forgiven without actually communicating. Sometimes, the offended may choose to explicitly convey the offender that you have been forgiven.

Step Four: Transforming the Relationship if Desired

Once forgiven the new relationship may seem different, which is either stronger than before or going on with no enthusiasm.

Step Five: Actions Confirm Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Reconciliation does not mean just forget the past, but it involves building trust and reestablishment of intimacy and faith in the relationship.

Forgiving can be difficult

               My father has 6 brothers, and the second one of them has always been a pain in the family. I have grown up seeing him mean, rude, selfish and arrogant with everyone in the family. We were taught to ignore him as children for his thoughtless and cheap attitude. My father always forgave him as a big brother, but I somehow cannot forget his the ways he would corner my brother and me. I know it sounds strange to hear about an elderly man being so mean, but as a matter of fact he has always found pleasure in seeing others suffer and cry. He always humiliated my father for being fortunate than him, in terms of job, family and personal life, but we never retaliated as in the Indian culture we do not talk back to elders. However, I haven’t spoken to him ever since my father passed away. I don’t think I will be able to forgive him ever in my life.

Social Networking Website

I keep in touch with all my friends over Facebook. I find Facebook most efficient, fast and cheap tool to stay connected with friends and relatives all over the globe. I met so many long lost friends over Facebook, who I thought would never meet me again in my lifetime. Facebook gives everyone an individual wall to post pictures, chat, and message or write what’s on your mind.

There are people who write every happening from their life on their personal wall. However, I don’t like explicitly attaching every other picture or writing anything and everything on my wall. I seldom write on my wall, but I prefer to watch the latest happenings in my contact list and comment on those. My friends and relatives find me a discrete person, who is not very open about displaying personal information on Facebook, but I like it that way. I am very sensitive about the personal information that floats on the web, which can be used by anyone for wrong reasons, so I like to maintain my privacy by not showing too much on Facebook. On one hand, what bothers me most about Facebook is that others might think about some stuff on my wall posted by others as my area of interest, and it is impossible to explain them that it is not what it looks like. On the other hand, Facebook is a great medium to raise awareness for social causes like the cancer society, green planet etc.