What I learned

I learned not to hate conflict, which is inevitable, but to handle conflict smartly. I learned easy tools like STLC to combat conflict. I learned how negotiation and mediation takes place to settle conflict among disputing parties. I also learned how conflict can corrupt the working environment. Reversely, when working professionals deal with conflict sensitively they can create a positive working environment.  I learned the most important thing that I don’t have to feel bad if someone gets angry on me for no reason because now I can pacify myself that it is not me, but the angry person must be having a bad day. I learned techniques to calm myself by drinking a glass of water, easy breathing, counting numbers to get the temper back in place and then think rationally before responding wildly in a conflict. With the help of this class, I can manage my kids’ disputes efficiently, which is a big achievement in itself.

Strengths and Weakness

Strengths

• The very fact that I signed up for this class is that, I love Internet based courses, which offer flexibility to work at my convenience. I am a full time mom and homemaker so this class fitted my schedule perfectly.
• The teacher creatively encouraged use of technology not just limited to the conventional d2l platform offered by SJSU for online classes, but she asked us to blog on blogspot, set wiki space for online workshop presentations, upload workshop videos etc.
• The teacher of this class was always available for any help required with the subject matter every week twice with her office hours and also with prompt replies over the emails. 
• All the assignments we did for this class enhanced our knowledge about conflict, but most important was the workshop experience, which gave me a chance with hands on implementation of the techniques required for resolving conflict among any age group at home or work.
• The suggested book for this course “Managing conflict through communication” was easy to read and understand.
• Since, most of the postings were based on personal experiences, I enjoyed reading different posts on the same topic and got to know ideas with others’ perspective of thinking about conflict.

 

Weaknesses

 

I did not see any major weakness of this class because everything worked out well in terms of knowledge, project, quizzes, rapport with the teacher, and replies on classmates’ posts.

 

I will definitely recommend this class to everyone because this class prepared me to face the biggest challenge of resolving conflict in my private and professional life.

Negative Views about conflict

Most people think of conflict negatively with the fear of losing relationships, and saving their own face. Most people also do not realize that not just communication but they also need to change their attitude, beliefs and emotional reactions to face conflict positively. I think as people increase their knowledge about conflict they will definitely fear it less because then they realize that conflict is here to stay, and we have to change our self in thinking about conflict positively to prevent from draining with stress, tension and anxiety that comes with conflict. Most people are unaware about the fact that keeping ourselves calm and composed is the first step towards resolving conflict. Secondly methods like STLC give a clear picture of ideas about the conflicting issue from both sides and analyze the situation fairly. Lastly conflict needs to be resolved with focus on the issue where the difference of opinion arises over concentrating on personal differences. I am pretty sure that not everyone can link conflict and creativity together, which leads in drawing multiple opportunities from conflict and resolve it with mutually satisfying solution. I am one such person, who always thought of conflict negatively because I associated the mental trauma and tension that comes along with conflict. However, conflict management class gave me a positive outlook about conflict and taught me that we can learn to resolve conflict creatively by thinking  “out of the box.”

Steps toward Reconciliation

These steps move from less relational transformation to more relational transformation

1. No reconciliation, even if forgiveness has taken place.
2. Possible reconciliation when offender admits culpability.
3. Conditional reconciliation when offender communicates regret for the offense and offers an apology.
4. Processual reconciliation offender attempts to remedy the harm done.
5. Restoration when trust is rebuilt and the relationship is recreated.

 I cannot think of anyone, but my parents when it comes to forgiveness. I have made so many mistakes in life during my growing years just like any other teenager and I remember how my parents always forgave me. I believe my parents forgave and directed me on the right path and it is only their love and blessings that turned in whatever I am today.

Conflict on Valentines Day

My husband is not very outspoken and he never talks about his feelings. He bursts with anger all the time, but cannot speak out his heart. This incident happened on the last Valentines Day which I though he completely forgot. He left for office in the morning and did not call almost till 3pm. I was angry and so I called him to check if he even remembers about the day. I told him all sorts of things on the phone, of how forgetful he is and how he is missing on special occasions in life. Although, I know that he gets angry very fast, I just spurt out all that I had in my mind on which he did not retaliate with a single word. I kept the phone down and my home bell rang, and to my surprise it was a delivery of edible bouquet. I felt so sorry for all that I said before, so I called my husband immediately to apologize. He understood the instant change in me and anticipated that I must have received the bouquet just by then.

Forgiveness stands over Revenge

                  I did a google search on forgiveness, reconciliation and revenge and found more meaningful websites for forgiveness out of all the three terms. Forgiveness is the main theme to let go of anger and revenge and lead a content life as per all religions. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us. Forgiveness is an individual choice we make through a decision of our will motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance website specifies that they are a non-profit organization whose mission is to evoke the healing spirit of Forgiveness worldwide. They declare, "Forgiveness Is the Greatest Healer of Them All" and that "Without Forgiveness There is No Future". Similarly there are Transformation Services available who collect & share real stories of forgiveness and conflict resolution to help individuals transform the pain and conflict in their own lives.

      Revenge produces more of TV shows or movies sites, as it is popular theme shown in action, drama and thriller movies and soaps. In reality revenge cannot lead us anywhere, because it just goes on in a cyclical form fetching no productive outcome. Reconciliation is always a step followed by forgiveness. Reconciliation produced websites with the definition, reconciliation as a process in senate to reconsider the bill and pass it on mutual terms, The Fellowship of Reconciliation which is a largest, and oldest interfaith peace organization in the United States, working for peace, justice and nonviolence since 1915, Reconciliation ministries run by churches to help people overcome conflict, attacks, and oppression by bridging the gap between offenders and offended.

Steps towards Reconciliation

There are series of steps suggested in the book to effectively manage a conflict situation in which an offender and the offended party attempt to work through the issues necessary for forgiveness and reconciliation, if desired by both parties.

Step One: The Account and the Apology

This means the offender owes an apology and explanation of his wrong doing to the offended.

Step Two: Acceptance of Account and Apology or its Absence

It is the offended person’s call to forgive the offender or not, based upon his justification and explanation. Once forgiven is like forgetting the past and moving ahead with a fresh beginning.

Step Three: Forgiveness May or May Not Be Communicated

Restoring back to normal in relationship with the offender is like forgiven without actually communicating. Sometimes, the offended may choose to explicitly convey the offender that you have been forgiven.

Step Four: Transforming the Relationship if Desired

Once forgiven the new relationship may seem different, which is either stronger than before or going on with no enthusiasm.

Step Five: Actions Confirm Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Reconciliation does not mean just forget the past, but it involves building trust and reestablishment of intimacy and faith in the relationship.