As per the book “Managing Conflict Through Communication” by Abigail and Cahn there are people who express anger in one of the following ways:
- Have a hard time even admitting they are angry
- Know they are angry with someone but do not want to tell the other person
- Tell others about their anger but not the one who upsets them
- May be passive-aggressive.
I fall in two categories mentioned above. One one hand I never show my anger or just continue with my work as long as I can. In such a situation although I put up a happy face on top, at my heart I am comepletely upset and unsatisfied with the whole incidence. On the other hand, when I am under pressure or if I am too stressed then I blow up. I go all out telling why I am feeling bad and how angry I am. I do not think twice to tell the person in front that I totally disliked what he said or did, or how much I disapprove his acts, which further aggravates the conflict because the other person is hurt.
I think because of my extreme ways of showing anger, either I am torturing myself for not speaking up, or feeling guilty for exploding with anger and burning others with me. I need to adapt a mid way method of getting my anger out, and to do so, I am going to implement some strategies fom our subject matter hereafter.
I relate to your experiences. When I was growing up, I was known for my temper. No one wanted to cross me. I could always give better than I would get. Then life happened, and I had an alcoholic boyfriend who was abusive. Instead of letting my temper explode, I would keep my anger in and put on perhaps not a happy face, but at least a non-expressive face.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got out of that relationship, I was a different person. I didn’t want to be a person who was feared by others, so I learned how to control my temper and express it in a constructive way that built relationships instead of tearing them down.
How wonderful that you are deciding to implement some of the strategies we have learned and that you won’t be learning the hard way, as I did.