My father has 6 brothers, and the second one of them has always been a pain in the family. I have grown up seeing him mean, rude, selfish and arrogant with everyone in the family. We were taught to ignore him as children for his thoughtless and cheap attitude. My father always forgave him as a big brother, but I somehow cannot forget his the ways he would corner my brother and me. I know it sounds strange to hear about an elderly man being so mean, but as a matter of fact he has always found pleasure in seeing others suffer and cry. He always humiliated my father for being fortunate than him, in terms of job, family and personal life, but we never retaliated as in the Indian culture we do not talk back to elders. However, I haven’t spoken to him ever since my father passed away. I don’t think I will be able to forgive him ever in my life.
I can relate to your inability to forgive a family member for their bad behavior. I think most people think that for most situations one should forgive a person for their negative actions. But I think that if someone has wronged you badly enough that you never feel uncomfortable around that person you should not feel obligated to forgive them. Do you feel like your life is missing anything without this uncle in your life? In my opinion people should have to earn the right to be in a relationship and not just because they are family. Ultimately, we want people in our lives that enrich it not put a hindrance on it.
ReplyDeleteOld people can be the meanest! Sometimes I think that they are worse because they think that their position as an elder somehow gives them the right. I had a couple of relations like that in my family as well, so I hear you. But the first stage of forgiveness is for you, not him. Letting go of all of those emotions of resentment and hurt really frees you and is better for your overall health. Maybe one day you will be able to see how the bitterness and unforgiveness in your uncle made him mean and then you may be able to move through a couple of the other stages of forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you wouldn’t want to forgive your uncle. There are times were one should forgive but, when the person never learns from their mistakes and intentionally wants to see someone suffer, that is when enough is enough. There is no reason why someone should be so mean to children for no reason. Your dad seemed like a great man. I truly admire the fact that after so many rude comments he made and after he was rude to you as a child your dad still did not say anything to keep the peace in the family. Sometimes people just have personal issues and we just need to learn to walk away.
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