What I learned

I learned not to hate conflict, which is inevitable, but to handle conflict smartly. I learned easy tools like STLC to combat conflict. I learned how negotiation and mediation takes place to settle conflict among disputing parties. I also learned how conflict can corrupt the working environment. Reversely, when working professionals deal with conflict sensitively they can create a positive working environment.  I learned the most important thing that I don’t have to feel bad if someone gets angry on me for no reason because now I can pacify myself that it is not me, but the angry person must be having a bad day. I learned techniques to calm myself by drinking a glass of water, easy breathing, counting numbers to get the temper back in place and then think rationally before responding wildly in a conflict. With the help of this class, I can manage my kids’ disputes efficiently, which is a big achievement in itself.

Strengths and Weakness

Strengths

• The very fact that I signed up for this class is that, I love Internet based courses, which offer flexibility to work at my convenience. I am a full time mom and homemaker so this class fitted my schedule perfectly.
• The teacher creatively encouraged use of technology not just limited to the conventional d2l platform offered by SJSU for online classes, but she asked us to blog on blogspot, set wiki space for online workshop presentations, upload workshop videos etc.
• The teacher of this class was always available for any help required with the subject matter every week twice with her office hours and also with prompt replies over the emails. 
• All the assignments we did for this class enhanced our knowledge about conflict, but most important was the workshop experience, which gave me a chance with hands on implementation of the techniques required for resolving conflict among any age group at home or work.
• The suggested book for this course “Managing conflict through communication” was easy to read and understand.
• Since, most of the postings were based on personal experiences, I enjoyed reading different posts on the same topic and got to know ideas with others’ perspective of thinking about conflict.

 

Weaknesses

 

I did not see any major weakness of this class because everything worked out well in terms of knowledge, project, quizzes, rapport with the teacher, and replies on classmates’ posts.

 

I will definitely recommend this class to everyone because this class prepared me to face the biggest challenge of resolving conflict in my private and professional life.

Negative Views about conflict

Most people think of conflict negatively with the fear of losing relationships, and saving their own face. Most people also do not realize that not just communication but they also need to change their attitude, beliefs and emotional reactions to face conflict positively. I think as people increase their knowledge about conflict they will definitely fear it less because then they realize that conflict is here to stay, and we have to change our self in thinking about conflict positively to prevent from draining with stress, tension and anxiety that comes with conflict. Most people are unaware about the fact that keeping ourselves calm and composed is the first step towards resolving conflict. Secondly methods like STLC give a clear picture of ideas about the conflicting issue from both sides and analyze the situation fairly. Lastly conflict needs to be resolved with focus on the issue where the difference of opinion arises over concentrating on personal differences. I am pretty sure that not everyone can link conflict and creativity together, which leads in drawing multiple opportunities from conflict and resolve it with mutually satisfying solution. I am one such person, who always thought of conflict negatively because I associated the mental trauma and tension that comes along with conflict. However, conflict management class gave me a positive outlook about conflict and taught me that we can learn to resolve conflict creatively by thinking  “out of the box.”

Steps toward Reconciliation

These steps move from less relational transformation to more relational transformation

1. No reconciliation, even if forgiveness has taken place.
2. Possible reconciliation when offender admits culpability.
3. Conditional reconciliation when offender communicates regret for the offense and offers an apology.
4. Processual reconciliation offender attempts to remedy the harm done.
5. Restoration when trust is rebuilt and the relationship is recreated.

 I cannot think of anyone, but my parents when it comes to forgiveness. I have made so many mistakes in life during my growing years just like any other teenager and I remember how my parents always forgave me. I believe my parents forgave and directed me on the right path and it is only their love and blessings that turned in whatever I am today.

Conflict on Valentines Day

My husband is not very outspoken and he never talks about his feelings. He bursts with anger all the time, but cannot speak out his heart. This incident happened on the last Valentines Day which I though he completely forgot. He left for office in the morning and did not call almost till 3pm. I was angry and so I called him to check if he even remembers about the day. I told him all sorts of things on the phone, of how forgetful he is and how he is missing on special occasions in life. Although, I know that he gets angry very fast, I just spurt out all that I had in my mind on which he did not retaliate with a single word. I kept the phone down and my home bell rang, and to my surprise it was a delivery of edible bouquet. I felt so sorry for all that I said before, so I called my husband immediately to apologize. He understood the instant change in me and anticipated that I must have received the bouquet just by then.

Forgiveness stands over Revenge

                  I did a google search on forgiveness, reconciliation and revenge and found more meaningful websites for forgiveness out of all the three terms. Forgiveness is the main theme to let go of anger and revenge and lead a content life as per all religions. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us. Forgiveness is an individual choice we make through a decision of our will motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance website specifies that they are a non-profit organization whose mission is to evoke the healing spirit of Forgiveness worldwide. They declare, "Forgiveness Is the Greatest Healer of Them All" and that "Without Forgiveness There is No Future". Similarly there are Transformation Services available who collect & share real stories of forgiveness and conflict resolution to help individuals transform the pain and conflict in their own lives.

      Revenge produces more of TV shows or movies sites, as it is popular theme shown in action, drama and thriller movies and soaps. In reality revenge cannot lead us anywhere, because it just goes on in a cyclical form fetching no productive outcome. Reconciliation is always a step followed by forgiveness. Reconciliation produced websites with the definition, reconciliation as a process in senate to reconsider the bill and pass it on mutual terms, The Fellowship of Reconciliation which is a largest, and oldest interfaith peace organization in the United States, working for peace, justice and nonviolence since 1915, Reconciliation ministries run by churches to help people overcome conflict, attacks, and oppression by bridging the gap between offenders and offended.

Steps towards Reconciliation

There are series of steps suggested in the book to effectively manage a conflict situation in which an offender and the offended party attempt to work through the issues necessary for forgiveness and reconciliation, if desired by both parties.

Step One: The Account and the Apology

This means the offender owes an apology and explanation of his wrong doing to the offended.

Step Two: Acceptance of Account and Apology or its Absence

It is the offended person’s call to forgive the offender or not, based upon his justification and explanation. Once forgiven is like forgetting the past and moving ahead with a fresh beginning.

Step Three: Forgiveness May or May Not Be Communicated

Restoring back to normal in relationship with the offender is like forgiven without actually communicating. Sometimes, the offended may choose to explicitly convey the offender that you have been forgiven.

Step Four: Transforming the Relationship if Desired

Once forgiven the new relationship may seem different, which is either stronger than before or going on with no enthusiasm.

Step Five: Actions Confirm Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Reconciliation does not mean just forget the past, but it involves building trust and reestablishment of intimacy and faith in the relationship.

Forgiving can be difficult

               My father has 6 brothers, and the second one of them has always been a pain in the family. I have grown up seeing him mean, rude, selfish and arrogant with everyone in the family. We were taught to ignore him as children for his thoughtless and cheap attitude. My father always forgave him as a big brother, but I somehow cannot forget his the ways he would corner my brother and me. I know it sounds strange to hear about an elderly man being so mean, but as a matter of fact he has always found pleasure in seeing others suffer and cry. He always humiliated my father for being fortunate than him, in terms of job, family and personal life, but we never retaliated as in the Indian culture we do not talk back to elders. However, I haven’t spoken to him ever since my father passed away. I don’t think I will be able to forgive him ever in my life.

Social Networking Website

I keep in touch with all my friends over Facebook. I find Facebook most efficient, fast and cheap tool to stay connected with friends and relatives all over the globe. I met so many long lost friends over Facebook, who I thought would never meet me again in my lifetime. Facebook gives everyone an individual wall to post pictures, chat, and message or write what’s on your mind.

There are people who write every happening from their life on their personal wall. However, I don’t like explicitly attaching every other picture or writing anything and everything on my wall. I seldom write on my wall, but I prefer to watch the latest happenings in my contact list and comment on those. My friends and relatives find me a discrete person, who is not very open about displaying personal information on Facebook, but I like it that way. I am very sensitive about the personal information that floats on the web, which can be used by anyone for wrong reasons, so I like to maintain my privacy by not showing too much on Facebook. On one hand, what bothers me most about Facebook is that others might think about some stuff on my wall posted by others as my area of interest, and it is impossible to explain them that it is not what it looks like. On the other hand, Facebook is a great medium to raise awareness for social causes like the cancer society, green planet etc.

Dos and Donts of Anger

While in conflict if we shout or yell at each other, swear or promise to do things, point fingers or physically abuse each other it only worsens the situation. This way negative feelings and revenge elevate between both the parties in conflict and there are no hopes of compromise.

Instead if we express anger in effective way several conditions are met such as:

• It is best to express anger not when one is overcome with a sense of rage but sometime later after cooling down.
• Focus the anger at the target of anger.
• When expressing anger there has to be a feeling that we have restored sense of justice and of control over the situation while not inflicting harm on the other person.
• For effective expression of anger, the target must not retaliate in anger.

The above-mentioned points stand very true in real life. I encounter such situations very often, when my husband gets angry, and the only best thing to do for me is keep it cool. After his anger has subsided, I try and talk to him about the issue. In fact I get to know most of the times that I am just the medium for his anger outburst because he is actually upset on something else in the office or basically out of the house.

Three Solutions

As per our book we need to recognize that in true success, the notions of noble character, joyful living and centrality of family and friends are key elements.

1. Accordingly as my first solution to make distinction between work and play, in order to do something for myself, I generally go walking with my family over the weekends. We enjoy this family time outdoors with walking and rejuvenating ourselves.
2. The second solution is lighten up by taking the view that “play is an attitude of mind that may pervade any human activity.” I am yet to put this solution in execution in my life because I tend to take my work very seriously. I need to treat my work at college and home as play and start enjoying it as well because of which I get totally stressed. By taking the work in right spirit, I will be able to find a balance in both.
3. The third solution can be termed as integration of joy and sorrow. As per the third solution I need to accept the pain and agony, which comes with conflict as a part and parcel of life and embrace it as reality. I definitely believe that the sooner I accept this fact the happier I will be in life. However, when I spend time with my kids, I feel very relieved by learning to see the world with their innocent view of lookin at things.

Expressing Anger

As per the book “Managing Conflict Through Communication” by Abigail and Cahn there are people who express anger in one of the following ways:

• Have a hard time even admitting they are angry
• Know they are angry with someone but do not want to tell the other person
• Tell others about their anger but not the one who upsets them
• May be passive-aggressive.

I fall in two categories mentioned above. One one hand I never show my anger or just continue with my work as long as I can. In such a situation although I put up a happy face on top, at my heart I am comepletely upset and unsatisfied with the whole incidence. On the other hand, when I am under pressure or if I am too stressed then I blow up. I go all out telling why I am feeling bad and how angry I am. I do not think twice to tell the person in front that I totally disliked what he said or did, or how much I  disapprove his acts, which further aggravates the conflict because the other person is hurt.

I think because of my extreme ways of showing anger, either I am torturing myself for not speaking up, or feeling guilty for exploding with anger and burning others with me. I need to adapt a mid way method of getting my anger out, and to do so, I am going to implement some strategies fom our subject matter hereafter.

Sharing Power

          In this post I am going to write about the Sharing Power. Instead of making the working environment tense with power abuse, those who do not wish to abuse their power should initiate and employ solution oriented behavior rather than abusive power-perpetuating behavior. People in powerful positions or dominant roles should consider the idea that “we are all in this boat together.” This way the powerful and powerless all benefit by success of the class, team, unit or organization, so stop worrying about sharing power and actively seek ways to share it.

There are other ways of sharing power such as:

1. Give up some of the more obvious power resources and symbols of authority.
2. Teachers can abandon a podium or large desk to sit with the students.
3. Bosses can leave their secure confines in the offices to walk among the employees to see how they are doing in person.
4. Make power resources accessible to everyone in the group.

Imbalanced Power Distance

Some power differences are institutionalized, formal and official. The police, judges, teachers, parents, officials, administrators and bosses are given some powers over the rest of us in limited contexts such as courtroom, classroom, public office or workplace. Many a times when power is institutionalized, dominant people abuse their power when they rely on threats to intimidate others and stifle input.

I had a very mean lady boss, who just could not digest the fact that I was better than her at work. She always tried to put me down and emotionally torture me with taunts and silent treatment. Looking at it now, I realize how stressful I used to be in that period. Going to office would be like walking in a dessert. When it started getting too much, I just left that job. Based on my experience, it is extremely frustrating to work in an imbalanced power relationship. I think it goes the same in love relationship as well. Whenever one partner is dominating the other, that relationship does not nurture on love and trust. Instead of creating negative repercussions in a love relationship with the power imbalance, there has to be mutual respect and dignity to balance power.

Trust

My experience about trust and then loss of trust goes way back to my school days. Tuitions as called in India for extra classes of school homework are a must from10^th grade to 12^th grade. I had a friend in the school, who could not afford to go to any tuition, so I became her study buddy for homework help. Sometimes I would leave my work and go out of the way to help her, because she would ask for it. Tuitions are big business in India, and all of the students flock to the tuitions suitable to their pockets. I used to go to ordinary tuitions because we could not afford any more fees than that. So I relied on self-work and school with a backup of my so so tuition. My friend and me would study on regular basis until one day I noticed her avoiding me with a bunch of extra notes. She started ignoring me in the school as if I was going to take away something from her. When I confronted her about this, she told me that she had managed to join the premium tutions in the town and she no longer needed my help. I told her that’s fine with me, but why do you want to break the friendship, on which she told me that now onwards she wont hang out with me because I did not belong to the league of premium tuitions. I trusted my friend and so helped her with her studies, however she broke my trust and betrayed me. She used me when she wanted me and then discarded me when not needed. I could not restore trust in her, as I believe she did not deserve my friendship and help, so I took her out of my life there after.

Advantages of using I- statements

            

            Assertive behavior is characterized by personalized communication with the use of “I” statements over “you” statements. There are two misassumptions about others that lead us to prefer depersonalized communication to communication that owns our feelings. First we tend to confuse our perceptions of the other person and second that seduces us into depersonalized communication, which makes us feel we can predict other’s behaviors. By using I statements, you can provide the needed information, which helps the opposite person understand exactly what you are thinking, feeling and wanting. Also with the use of I statement, you demonstrate honesty by telling others what is on your mind, what you prefer, or what is upsetting you. In fact, I statements reduce defensiveness in others because they realize that you are not trying to push the blame on them.

             The example in the textbook about handing car keys with very little gas happens all the time with me. I get in trouble for raising conflict over the gas issue almost always, but now onwards to reduce defensive allegations from the other side, I am going to say, I’d like you to get gas after you use my car.

Listening

            Listening is a desire to pay attention to the other person. It is characterized by openness to the other person’s views, willingness to suspend judgement during the discussion, and patience to hear the other out. Listening involves both an empathic response to the other person and a commitment to hear to all the other person has to say. To answer to the question if I am a good listener is, I have always been poor in listening to others because I feel my say is more important than others. I want to make sure that everything I say has to be completely conveyed. So most of the times, when someone is talking, I am involved in my own ideas. I am trying to make a very concious effort to be a good listener after taking communication classes. When I sit and analyze my conversation with others alone, I understand that I was the only one talking. Normally, I don’t have any intentions to knock out others in conversation, but I have realized that acting in a certain way becomes a habitual pattern. Now that I am trying to focus on listening, I am able to think and understand in right spirit, where the other person is coming from.

Time Out

            Stopping in conflict is like taking a time out. Time out is helpful in calming yourself. It helps other person know that you are not abandoning the situation, but will return after a small break. It also helps change the problematic topic for a while to allow time for the air to clear.

             As far as taking time out during conflict is concerned, I have the habit of going on talking unless the other person tells me to wait. I find taking time out difficult because I think whatever my say is over the dispute is not enough. Taking time out will be a good strategy in my case because that time can be utilized for thinking and understanding the issue from the perspective of the conflicting part. It will also give me time to prepare and  place myself for the next round of rebuttal accordingly. In fact my time out will give the conflicting party a chance to present their views without any disturbance.  I will try to take a relaxing break such as time out in any conflicts, I get into hereafter to understand the other party better, and place myself accordingly. If anyone has problem like me to stop while in the conflict then they can implement one of the ways mentioned in the book to take a deliberate time out, such as counting 100 to 1 or get a glass of water before you respond to the other person. I think taking a pause to clear the throat or compose our self on the chair can also be a good way to take a short time out.

Advantages of Mediation

I am going to write about advantages of Mediation over alternatives to dispute resolution such as Arbitration, Adjudication, Ombudsperson or Conciliation.

• Most importantly Mediation is less costly than other ADRs.
• Mediation conducted well reduces the likelihood that either of the disputants will seek legal remedy.
• Mediators help to restore communication and normalize relations.
• Mediation allows for full participation by the conflicting parties.
• Mediation has a high success rate. It is estimated that once the disputants have agreed to mediate at least 80% of the time they are able to work out an agreement that is acceptable to both the parties.

I want to illustrate the advantage of mediation by this example of my aunt and her tenant. My aunt had a two-storey house in India. She lived with her family downstairs while a tenant rented the upper floor. This tenant family resided in the their house for more than 20 years. In the early 90s when there was a boom of building projects in Mumbai, my aunt decided to give the house to a builder who would build a multi storey tower there, and give them appropriate cost of the plot plus 3 apartment units. Accordingly she asked the tenant to vacate the house. However, the tenant refused to vacate the house, based on tenant law in India. He asked for an apartment in the new tower as a substitute for this house in which he lived for 25 years, which my aunt refused. Based on this my aunt’s family and the tenant family got into a tussle. Both the parties were adamant on their own stand and got into very bad verbal, nonverbal and physical dispute. Finally the tenant decided to mediate, to resolve this issue. After listening to both the parties and their stance in this dispute, the mediator settled this issue by making my aunt pay the tenant to leave her house. Although the tenant did not get an apartment in the new tower, he could buy a new house with that money in the suburbs, while my aunt was happy that she did not have to give him a whole new apartment in the tower from her share.

Fragmentation

             Fractionation is a matter of breaking down the problem into its smallest pieces and then dealing with each piece one at a time.

            Framing is a technique where mediators ask neutral or friendly questions that avoid blame or passing judgment and summarize issues.

            Reframing is the technique where mediators restate negatively loaded, biased, or accusatory statements made by one of the parties in more neutral terminology or restate positions in a way that makes the disputants look at the issues differently. Finally mediators highlight common ground, which consists of attitudes, values, behaviors, expectations, and goals the parties share and can serve as a basis for an agreement.

            I want to give the example of Fragmentation, which my family implemented in our initial chaotic days in the US. I came here in 2007 with my two little kids in an empty house that my husband had rented. Coming from a fully settled house, in a new country with two little kids was a challenge. So we made a prioritised list of to do things in the house. Accordingly first we setup the kitchen and bedroom. We were travelling by bus until we bought a car that is a must for commuting in the US. Then we got our phone and Internet connection on, for accessibility. After that we started looking for nursery and pre-k schools for my kids. To straighten out the house so far took us about 3 months, then we started looking for furniture, and Television. We took about 6 months to completely furnish the house and get all our routine established. Thus we managed to settle our sweet home from scratch, by taking charge of things to be done step by step.

Communication Majors as Mediators

Mediators attempt to create a safe and constructive environment to encourage the disputants to communicate, cooperate, and work out their own mutually satisfying solution. Communication majors are trained to communicate without being judgmental, to be good listeners, and exchange information without misunderstandings which gives them an upper hand to be better mediators over lawyers and psychotherapists. Moreover communication majors as mediators have to practically implement the conflict management skills that they have already learnt in undergraduate interpersonal communication and conflict management courses. As against Lawyers are trained to fight for justice from the side of their client, so their justification of the case is always biased to one side. In the same way, psychotherapists also try and work to resolve the issue from their patient’s perspective.

Mediation is one alternative to what is called as dispute resolution in private because negotiation takes place among two parties in the presence of a third party mediator, while if the dispute goes to the court, it gets disclosed to the public. The process of mediation does not take as long as courtroom cases to resolve the disputes because lawyers are abided by the constraints of the courtroom hearings.  Lawyers cannot represent their party unless the court schedules them whereas mediators can personally schedule the mediation dates and settle the matter faster. Physiotherapists are also tied by the number of consultations required by the patients, which cannot be defined by any time limit.

      All in all, lawyers and physiotherapists cannot be good mediators because their niche is to cater to the dispute from their client’s side, while communication majors are competent to settle the disputes by being an unbiased third party.

Communication Considerations: Choosing Appropriate Communication Options

I am going to write about the topic Communication consideration from chapter 3. The factors everyone should consider when choosing among the conflict communication options are

1. Occasion (including time and location)
2. The other person
3. One’s own need

 An occasion would be equivalent of a particular book, such as mystery, thriller or romance where time and place create unique expectations that guide our behavior. The other person is affected by our behavior in the conflict so he must be taken into account. Most important are you in the conflict of involvement, so you should consider your own needs and learn to prioritize them.

I am going to illustrate the concept of communication consideration with a real life example. One time my husband and me, along with our friends went out for dinner. We were discussing about football and my husband and me got into a conflict on who is a better football player, Beckham or Ronaldo. My husband got very angry for comparing Ronaldo with Beckham. His all time favorite is Ronaldo, who was on peak then. He started talking loudly about how bad Beckham is, and even worse about his fans. Our conflict took a fierce turn and dinner turned out to be disastrous. I totally disliked the way my husband took this issue to his heart and started fighting on personal level. I realized it was not a correct occasion to move on, so I backed out of the conflict by just keeping mum. The occasion was to relax and enjoy the dinner at the restaurant with few friends, not to get in personal fights. I totally disapproved his attitude at dinner, but thought of speaking about this at the right time, when it will be just him and me. Accordingly when we came home I told him patiently about his interest in the conflict, which was Ronaldo, while my interest was an opinion about Beckham, it was not a competition. He agreed and we mutually settled our differences by saying sorry. We both were wrong at some point of time, because we kept the players aside and started on personal level. After that incident my husband and me have decided not to fight in public places and create a scene in front of others.

Discipline vs Pushing

         Children are not supposed to be born with the understanding of the world. They are like a blank slate in the hands of their parents. It is the moral responsibility of the parents to teach their children the difference between right and wrong. Along the way, children tend to behave obnoxiously, but parents have to patiently handle their kids and explain them the consequences of good and bad. In order to discipline the kids, sometimes parents need to be stern with warnings and time outs, but not using unsympathetic ways of punishments such as beating or hurting. Although it takes time, it is possible to train the toughest child to behave appropriately if handled with love and affection. However when parents expect good behavior out of the child without any inputs from their side, they lose patience and treat children badly. Parents push children when their expectations over ride practical reality. That is when parents lose temper and hurt their children. Since children are naïve and weak they succumb to the ruthless punishments of their parents. Abusive parents cause a permanent damage to the child’s physical and emotional balance

           If we as parents empathize with our kids and identify the issues children are going through we can discipline them wisely. After all, every man was a child one day.

Relationship - Centered Orientation

In dealing with conflicts at home, I tend toward the relationship-centered orientation, which is the assertive communication behavior option that orients towards giving importance to both our needs and the needs of the other. Assertive communication behavior is an ability to speak up for one’s interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or infringes on the rights of others. Assertive communication also allows others to communicate their beliefs and desires. It is a middle road to resolve conflicts over being extremely aggressive or passively non-aggressive. I prefer relationship orientation to avoid conflicts at home.

 I think my inclination towards relationship- centered orientation is because of my upbringing, where I was always taught to compromise, and adjust with family members for peace and harmony at home. My mother always told me that there is no harm in accommodating your family members as long as it doesn’t jeopardize your self-conscious. Use of assertive communication always proves to be the best choice to settle conflicts without hard feelings.

Confrontation

I am going to write about Confrontation process from chapter 2 which is defined as a conflict process in which the parties call attention to problems or issues and express their feelings, beliefs, and wants to one another. There are 6 confrontation steps to move through as you manage a conflict such as

1. Preparation
2. Tell the person"We need to talk"
3. Interpersonal confrontation: Talk to the other person about your problem.
4. Consider your partner's point of view: Listen,empathise and respond.
5. Resolve the problem: Make a mutual satisfying agreement.
6. Follow up on the resolution.

I want to illustrate a confrontation example that means so much to me. My best friend and me would walk up to school everyday and back home. One day on our way back home, we banged into a pedestrian who was carrying some vegetables in a polythene bag. His bag got hit and all the vegetables fell on the road. The pedestrian got very angry and asked us to fill the vegetables in the bag and give him back. When this happened, my friend started laughing and ran away, and I had to pick up all the vegetables and give them back to the guy. I got very upset and stopped talking to her after that incident. We did not talk to each other for about a year until our last day in the school. On the day of send off, she came to me and said I want to talk to you. She said she never came to me before because she felt guilty of her act of leaving me alone on the road. Her sorry meant so much to me at that time that both of us were in tears. Once the air got cleared, that incident seemed really petty. The best outcome of that send off was we continue to be best friends till today.

Dynamic Communication

The second chapter emphasizes on Communication as a continuous process of exchange of information. Communication becomes effective when the messages are interpreted similarly at both ends. If the messages are not decoded on common grounds, conflict and misunderstanding take place. Dynamic communication is a building block of a good relationship although it works differently in different relationships. Like my husband believes less words means better understanding, and I love communicating endlessly. Even then I can rate our communication style pretty open and dynamic except when it comes to conflict. Because when it comes to conflicts he plays by only one rule, which is “My way or Highway.” I generally give up in heated conflicts and let the angry, person take over as anger shuts down all chances of thinking wisely. Besides too much clash spoils the wellbeing of the house. So when everyone has calmed down, I prefer to explain my opinion. So even if I don’t win the argument, I at least put forth my say on it, to maintain communication fluid.

Human Instincts

Just like in the wild world an animal instinct refers to the survival fundamental of satisfying the basic needs of food, water and shelter in the human world everything revolves around these basic needs. In fact we also inherit the animal instincts such as pride, safety, anger, fear, revolt, pleasure and love. Although human nature is directly linked to the animal instincts, human abilities mark them apart from other animals by the ways of handling situations in a special way.

There cannot be a better example of the survival instinct in animals than the documentary I watched on Discovery channel sometime back. It was an amateur video shot by tourists in the African Savanna. This video showed a one of its kind battle between a herd of buffaloes, a pride of lions and two crocodiles. It was an exceptional conflict because mighty buffaloes who rescued their calf from the mouth of the lions and the crocodiles. There was a conflict of emotions of safety among the buffaloes, hunger and pride among the lions, fear of the calf and opportunity of the crocodiles that clashed in this fight. The animal instinct to revolt, or fight for pride are not taught in school but are inborn traits. We are no exceptions, we experience conflicts in our everyday life from office, school, to home. We get in conflicts with our parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, boss, children, in laws at one point or the other. Conflicts occur when there is a clash of interests and emotions of one another. Visible conflicts depict loud voices; strong emotions, assaults and visible tension while invisible conflicts are displayed in the form of stress, silence and unseen trauma. Visible or invisible conflicts create long-term rifts, and misunderstandings.

Self Introduction

Hi everyone ! My name is Suchitra Varma and I am a transfer student from Deanza with Communication major. Spring 2012 is my first semester in SJSU. I struggled a lot to open this blog before writing because I am not a very net savy person. However I hope to be one soon, with this experience. I really liked the idea of writing your mind on the blog, like it happens in the movie "Julie and Julia." I appreciate this idea of our teacher to make use of blogs for class work.
To start with my background, I am a qualified Instrumentation Engineer from India. But all my work experience has been in communication related fiels such as teaching, counselling, and sales. Moreover after spending 10 years with my kids, I decided to continue studying with communication major. My admission in SJSU is an attempt to follow my passion for higher education in the US, and be a college level teacher one day.
On personal front I am married and  have two kids. My kids are 7 and 8 years old. I resemble a crazy mom, you must have seen or read about, who is busy with the kids, household chores, husband and everything else that comes with it. I am trying to make difference in this whole show by doing what I want to, which is going back to school. My life is very family centric, so all the activities I do with my family such as cooking, hiking, playing with the kids, camping are my hobbies. I like watching movies too.
Oh yes and I have been traveling around the world with my family for last 11 years. The best part of this is we have stayed in countries like Singapoe, Malaysia, and now US and experienced different cultures. I am a adventurous person who likes to take challenges at every phase of my life. So I am exited about my classes in SJSU and ready to take on the new challenge. I wish Good luck to everyone in the class and hope for a great semester.

Test Post

Test Post - submitted by Prof. Perez